You’re successful right?
You’re independent, brave and you’ve achieved a ridiculous amount.
You’ve worked so hard.
You’re a do-er. A proactive person. You pride yourself on being able to cope and do things yourself – lets face it, you can do it better than most people anyway!
Someone who doesn’t complain. If you aren’t happy about something, you change it.
You’ve chased ‘success’, hoping that when you made partner, moved into your dream house, bought your dream car, married your dream partner, that it would all be OK. That you would have succeeded. That you had found the pot of gold at the end of a very steep and vicious rainbow. That the sacrifice, struggle and pain would all have been worth it.
So, when you got there, and found that there was no gold, you started chasing after a new rainbow. But it’s never enough.
So, what’s going on? How is it that you have got to this point; having achieved so much, to find yourself feeling so stuck, so confused, so overwhelmed. So unfulfilled, exhausted, angry and burnt out.
How is it with all your experience, knowledge, achievements and strength that you cannot figure out why you have found yourself here?????
That there is still so much missing.
You have absolutely no idea what to do. What direction to go in. Actually feeling like you have nothing to offer.
You’re constantly asking yourself how this has happened, how despite ‘doing’ everything you can to shake this feeling, you are still asking these questions.
What was the point of working this hard? Giving so much of yourself to this life, sacrificing so much – to end up feeling this way?
Isn’t it meant to be hard? Aren’t you supposed to sacrifice? No one can have it all! Can they?
Success = sacrifice, right?
So why does getting up in the morning feel so hard? Why is it that you literally do not know if you can keep doing this?
How is your jaw so tight all the time? Your body so exhausted and heavy? No matter what you do!
Why is it that you avoid having down time at all costs because you are truly petrified about what you might start to think about or feel?
How is that everyone else seems to have it sorted when you don’t?
I know! I was there! And I kept ignoring the signs, I didn’t even know they were signs. I was too busy trying to just keep going.
I doubted every decision I made, second guessed myself all the time. I had lost my passion and I was so scared.
I was tense, anxious, moody, mean to my husband (really mean). I was a working mum, juggling a career and a family. A two-hour commute, going to the gym as much as possible. Isn’t stress part of the deal?
I was a successful lawyer. Well educated, determined, ambitious, keen as mustard but never quite finding that I fit. Always feeling like a round peg in a square hole and finding myself lacking.
I still wore my badge with honour – busy, stressed, multi-tasking ninja mum! Competing with all the other overachieving, perfectionist (secretly scared and unhappy) women.
It took a crisis for me to STOP.
For me it was a cancer diagnosis, literally a near miss. But it’s different for all of us. Something so life changing that it shifted my perspective, beliefs and priorities and I knew that it was a chance to change.
To take action.
Something has happened that has made YOU stop and think twice.
Something has shifted your perspective; something so shocking or huge that it has allowed you to see a glimpse of what REALLY matters.
Maybe it was the birth of a child. The loss of someone close to you. A brush with death or a near fatal illness. Maybe it was the end of a relationship or job.
Whatever it was, it has created such a shift in you that you can no longer go back to where you were. Oblivious that you were sleeping your way through life on auto pilot, allowing life to pass you by, accepting what you had was enough.
And now you can’t let this go. Like pulling at a loose thread.
But its scary right? It’s terrifying to realise that you are no longer available for ‘fine’ but having no idea what to do with that knowledge.
You know you are destined for greatness. You always have but somewhere along the way life happened. Knocks, hurt, disappointment and failure happened, and you became smaller and smaller. Fitting yourself into everyone else ideas of who you should be, what you should do. Trying to maintain the perfect façade, be the perfect ‘whatever’.
And now you are awake! And you don’t know how to change it all.
The game changer for me was the realisation that I did not have to do it on my own.
I had a choice.
I could either do it the hard way (and let’s face it I was pretty good at that – prided myself on it actually) OR I could start taking the easy route. To flow like water finding the path of least resistance. Trust me that decision was not easy.
You see our brains will do ANYTHING they can to keep us right where we are. Safe, comfortable, in our familiar territory – no matter how unhealthy, unhappy or downright miserable that territory is.
It will do anything to keep us exactly where we are. So, it plays tricks to keep us small.
And choosing change. Making that decision to move out of your comfort zone requires so much determination and courage, day after day. Because every single day we are faced with obstacles that try to keep us small and prevent us from stepping up to greatness.
But here is the coolest thing yet – YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO THIS ALONE.
I frickin love being coached. I would not be without a coach or mentor now, but at the start, I think I still believed I had failed by not being able to figure this out on my own. That somehow everyone else knew the secrets to fulfilment and change and it was just me who was too weak to figure it out.
I believed for a long time that I was the only one who felt like this. I was ashamed, and I was so used to making things hard that taking the ‘easy’ route felt like cheating. No pain no gain, right?
As women, we are always trying to figure it out on our own – feeling like we have failed, like we are not good enough, smart enough, successful enough. Feeling guilty that we are not good enough parents, partners, friends, daughters, business owners, employees, managers. Holding ourselves up against our own unrealistic expectations and always, always finding ourselves lacking.
We live in a masculine world that has had us twist ourselves into knots trying to fit in, trying to do it all and have it all in a way that is not only unnatural but downright unhealthy.
As women our gift is our passion, our intuition, our ability to nurture and care. Our instinct is to love and give to others. And somehow, those gifts, those great strengths are perceived as weaknesses to be hidden or squeezed in between the achieving and striving and struggling.
Part of the reason you are feeling so overwhelmed and confused is because you have been trying to be someone you are not!
Part of the reason you are so exhausted and tense and angry is because deep down you know there is more, and your body is screaming at you to listen!
In all this comparing and perfection, we are so scared to show vulnerability and ask for help that we allow things to be so much harder than they really have to be.
We forget that really smart and successful people surround themselves with people who can support them and champion them. We are great at doing that for everyone else. We encourage it – but we don’t seem to be able to recognise that we can be our own worst enemy! The only one keeping you from greatness – is YOU!
We’ve already established how smart you are, how successful you are. We know that. You’ve proved yourself. You have done the best you can, and you’ve done marvellously, and you should be so proud of yourself.
But none of us can see our blind spots. None of us can see what others see. None of us are able to shine a light on the answer when not only can we not see the wood, but we are struggling to even see the trees!
And we don’t have to.
You have a choice. Carry on as you are. Doing what you are doing, staying where you are and not moving forward, or choose freedom (I know – Mel Gibson eat your heart out!) – learn how to change and get support from a coach who has done the work, understands your pain, your brilliance, your desire and you never have to do this alone again.
Imagine being clear on what you want, sure about who you are and what makes you happy. Certain about how you want to feel and what you need to do to feel that way.
Imagine having that WITHOUT struggle, sacrifice or pain.
Imagine living a life that YOU choose rather than someone else agenda.
Imagine not feeling so alone. Not being on your own inside your own head.
Let me show you that there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Striving for status, position, promotion, wealth and material goods is not what fulfils you.
The pot of gold is already inside you. You hold all the answers and I can help you discover the questions.
You can have success on your terms as you define it. For me, success means living a joyful, free and abundant life. Getting to choose where, with whom, when and how I work. Getting to make a difference and having balance. Feeling relaxed. Having fun. Looking after myself and being kind to myself. Being happy!
I am here to support, guide and champion you 100%. You are not alone.
If any of the above resonates with you I would LOVE to have a conversation with you.